warrior_to_soulmate

VA's Warrior to Soul Mate (W2SM) program

Wed, 15 Jan 2020 11:09:52 GMT

Falling in love is easy. Birds do it. Bees do it. But staying in love? That’s much more difficult. In the United States, it is estimated that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Our nation’s heroes face even greater odds: Veterans are 60% more likely to separate or divorce than non-Veterans.

There are many different reasons Veteran couples have more marital difficulties than non-Veterans. There are stressors like back-to-back deployments while one or both spouses is active duty. Or reintegrating into the flow of everyday life after deployments or upon leaving the service. Or a non-Veteran partner being unable to relate to their Veteran, and vice versa. Are all possible causes of strife.

Adding to the problem, the coping skills Veterans learn on active duty are very different from those better suited to intimate relationships: “Toughing it out” versus sharing feelings, and exchanging ideas rather than giving orders.

VA is doing something to help Veterans and their loved ones combat these challenges. The Warrior to Soulmate (W2SM) program was designed to help these couples improve communication. They learn healthy conflict resolution skills, expand their emotional awareness of each other and deepen their connection and intimacy.

W2SM encourages healthy relationships that promote whole health and well-being for both the Veteran and his or her partner.

“We need to learn how to talk to each other”

W2SM is not traditional couples’ therapy. Instead, it is a boot camp-style skills training, done in a small group over one hyper-focused weekend. Marine Veteran Nolan “Buddy” Joseph Boudreaux III and his wife Lorna “Lorie” decided to try W2SM at the New Orleans Veterans VA Medical Center.

Lorie said, “We’re both very aggressive personalities. I can communicate with anyone but him. We need to learn how to talk to each other in a more productive and healthy way. It had been getting to where we just exist in the same house.”

“Communication is the biggest hurdle in our relationship,” agreed Buddy.

Lorie continued, “We argue, we bicker, we get so frustrated with each other. We get so defensive, both of us.”

Defensiveness can be common in intimate relationships

“We are asking for a connection, but there’s a fear of that vulnerability, of ‘What if my partner won’t receive that?’ implicitly driving that disconnection,” said Blaine Wilson. Wilson is a licensed clinical social worker, certified sex therapist and part of the W2SM program.

“The program is interactive and gives couples practical tools they can use in their relationships with each other, as well as with other important people in their lives. It helps each half of the couple get to a deeper place as individuals to strengthen the couple as a whole.”

On the second day of W2SM, Lorie said, “I feel like this program has given us some tools to be able to mold our reactions. It’s not that I can’t react, but I have to learn the best way to react. It’s going to be very different how I react to him than how my mom and dad reacted to each other.

“Neither of them was military, neither one of them had been in combat. The way that I react to him has to be better. This has given us the tools to react to each other better. We never looked at it that way. Doing that is one of the biggest things we learned. Looking at the relationship, not at the individuals.”

“That was huge for me, too. I never thought about it like that,” agreed Buddy.

“You’re gonna get so much out of it”

“I ask them, ‘What is it like to maybe have a different marriage, a different relationship?’” Wilson said. “I want the class to understand that change happens in a very purposeful way. I know that change can be difficult but it’s absolutely worth it and I hope they all continue to grow.”

Freshly graduated from the program, the Boudreaux’s were both glad they gave W2SM a chance.

“If you’ve ever considered trying it, it’s well worth it,” said Buddy. “The time you invest in it, you’re gonna get so much out of it. Honestly, yesterday we thought, ‘We’ll go today and if we don’t like it, we won’t come back Sunday,’ but halfway through yesterday we both looked at each other and said, ‘This is awesome, we want to come back tomorrow.’”

Lorie agreed. “Do it. Be open minded to it. You’ll see other couples that are struggling, and it’s not necessarily the same, but you can relate. And like me, being the non-Veteran partner, with the other three non-Veteran partners in this group, you feel so much less alone.

“I have so much appreciation for the couples in this room. And the facilitators. We don’t have friends who are military-connected back home. I’m very appreciative that everyone came in here and opened themselves up. It’s a very good feeling to know you’re not alone.”

Jamie L. Mobley is a public affairs specialist for the Southeast Louisiana Veterans Health Care System in New Orleans.

Suicide Prevention

Tue, 12 Mar 2019 22:58:39 GMT

Research Informed Behavioral Change Helps Disrupt Veteran Suicide

The National Strategy for Preventing Veteran Suicide provides a blueprint for how the nation can tackle the critical issue of Veteran suicide by implementing research informed behavioral change processes. Participation in Warrior to Soul Mate’s brief, evidence-based relationship skills training can produce significant and perceived benefits in reducing the level of disturbance around issues of interpersonal relationships, symptom distress, and social role functioning, for both clinically distressed and non-clinically distressed Veterans alike. Healthy intimate relationships combat against the detrimental effects of mental illness and facilitates overall health and healthier lifestyles, despite mental health issues. Extensive research has shown that intimate partner relationship stress is a key suicide risk factor (LaCroix, 2018, Love, 2018), and conversely, that marriage is a protective factor for suicide-exposed Veterans (Weisenhorn, 2017). Additionally, psychotherapeutic interventions that address relationship satisfaction may help improve social functioning in treatment-seeking Veterans with PTSD (Tsai, 2012).

Family Resiliency

Tue, 12 Mar 2019 22:56:39 GMT

An emphasis on bonding with another person

Teaching couples skills to identify, express, and fulfill their mutual bonding needs enables them to create a climate in which love can thrive. When it is consistently safe to be emotionally open and physically close with a partner, lasting intimacy is more likely.

Warrior to Soul Mate's conceptual strength comes from an emphasis on bonding – the combination of emotional openness and physical closeness with another person.

The program is based on the concept that our primary intimate relationships have a unique role in shaping our sense of self-esteem and way of responding to the world around us.

The four primary goals of Warrior to Soul Mate are promoting effective communication, strengthening connection and confiding, effective decision-making and conflict resolution, and strengthening trust and commitment.

Research on marital satisfaction conducted since the early 1940s suggests benefits of a satisfying intimate marriage include better health, a more active sex life, higher income, better adjustment among offspring, and greater work incentive (Dawson, 1991; Kiecolt-Glaser, Fisher, Ogrocki, Stout, Speicher, & Glaser (1987); Lillard & Waite, 1995; Waite & Lillard, 1991).

Concomitantly, research documents deleterious physical, emotional, financial, and social effects of divorce (Beach & O’Leary, 1986; Bloom, Asher & White, 1978; Copportelli & Orleans, 1985; Glenn & Kramer, 1987; Martin & Bumpass, 1989; O’Leary & Curley, 1986; Sotile, 1992).

When one considers the potentially devastating, multi-generational effects of divorce and family break-up, as well as the fact that marital therapy is not every individual’s preferred modality, it is clear that many paths up the mountain are required to sustain ever important family resilience.

Findings from a multi-year study of adult participants in this relationship skills training found the majority of participants (70% or more) rate either “Some Improvement” or “Much Improvement” in all of the critical areas of their relationship as a result of their participation in PAIRS. Adding participants who notice even a little improvement in their relationship boosts this to approximately 85-90% (DeMaria, 2014).

Whole Health

Tue, 12 Mar 2019 22:53:36 GMT

Empowering Veterans and their families

The VA’s approach to whole health shifts the focus away on what’s the matter with patients, no longer zeroing in on their diseases and ailments. The VA is instead working to shift this focus by starting a conversation about what matters most to Veterans. Of the top ten responses Veterans gave when asked what matters most to them, being with family came in first at 66% of responses. The Warrior to Soul Mate curriculum aligns with the whole health approach by emphasizing personal responsibility for relationship health and resilience, thus empowering Veterans and their families. After learning about one’s self and one’s partner, participants shift towards strengthening positive feelings about the present and opportunities for continued growth, closeness and joy. With an overview and review of the W2SM tools built throughout the program, participants have an opportunity to celebrate the many concepts and skills acquired and achieve a very real chance to create a future in which cherished wishes, hopes and dreams can come true.